today

Went to Spokane with mom and did shopping and whatnot. I got three balls of yarn- some browns/orange Malabrigo and rainbow Moshi Plus and some bright Noro Kureyon. And we went to Halloween stores- uh uh, she got some costume and I got a Gryffindor tie at one and an aviator scarf cos it was on sale, and at this other store I just wandered around, being tired and wanting to leave, until I saw the large collection of hats. I love hats. I had found this cheap aviator's cap, like one with fur and whatnot, and thought it was pretty cool so i sort of wore it around the store to find my mom- a worker must have overheard me talking about cos he came up to me and was like, here is this other aviatar hat- and it was much cooler, sort of leather-looking with buckles and the like. And I found a 'chaffauer's cap' which looks like the hat John Lennon wore in Help/A Hard Day's Night. Well, mine's a bit more, er, puffier? it puffs more, his is more flat, but it's a very cool hat for 4 bucks.

For Halloween this year I'm gonna be an aviator? or Amelia Earhart. AE has short hair. I do not. I want short hair. But I don't think I'll cut it for a Halloween costume..also, I look terrible with short hair- emphasizes my very round face, I am told. My face is not so round as they say it is. Anyway- so the scarf and the cap and I should round up a leather/leather-ish aviator/bomber jacket somewhere...not like I'm doing anything for Halloween, yah.

oh! this second costume store I was at, I was just wandering about and there's a '70s!' section, so I wander over to it; tie-dye and peace symbols and floral prints but something catches my eye- British Revolution! and British Explosion! costumes. OMG. I geek-freaked. Two Sgt.Pepper-esque costumes- but a dark green and a darrk blue and there were only 3 colors, wtf? so very cool, though. I was half-considering it- and then realized there cannot be simply ONE. You have to have four. I mean. I don't have any friends, so- no one would dress up with me. Also, again: all-dressed-up-and-nowhere-to-go situation here. The other one, Revolution! one was The Suit- their Ed Sullivan stuits, grey with the black colors- I wanted this. But for 50 dollars? and also, again, the Lone Beatle? sigh.

So this yarn- thisss yarrn. Malabrigo. Is gorgeous and brown-y colors with these splashes of orange and yellow in it- so at first I was like, HAAT but then I think the splashes of orange would look funky and not in a good way, so maybe a scarf or cowl. God, a cowl out of this would be awesome. So. COWL.
this Noro isn't alot of yarn and should stripe pretty I should think, so a hat, maybe a ribbed cap or something like that.
And I need to figure out this..fuck, Mochi Plus. It's rainbow and soft. WHAT to do? a hat maybe.

I'm getting distracted. ...yarn? patterns. rightrightright...very tired.
Watched Boondock Saints with my mom tonight. I don't think she quite appreciated it as much as my brother and me..

really frigging bored

It is cold enough for long sleeves and sweatervests. I like sweatervests. Mhmm, warm.
Today after school I walked down to St. Vinnie's. Bought a book by Al Franken on how evil Republicans are. Yay. And at Jo-Ann's I bought some natural-colord Paton's wool COS IT IS DYEING TIME. I HAVE RESISTED THE URGE FOR TOO LONG. And I bought some lime-green soft acrylic stuff that was on SALE and some size 7 dpns because a) i has no size 7 dpns b) i think I will make some armwarmers so I need some dpns and c) i had a coupon I needed to use so, yah, dpns. Instead of saying, dee-pee-enns, I have taken to pronouncing the letters, so it sounds like 'duhpins.' Yeah so I'm bored. And at teh grocery store I bought Grape KoolAid, for dyeing, at the ridiculous high price of 3/1.00. srsly. and some chicken strips, for Secret Dinner. Hello Secret Dinner. MWAHAH.

I keep getting distracted..I need to start by Doctor Who scarf what yarn cost sooo much, and then get to work on the little Beatles amigurumi I want to do. Using this pattern to make the bodies, then embellishing and whatnot afterwards. And I haven't decided what costumes yet. Like Ed Sullivan suits, all boring and grey and hair cuts, or Sgt. Pepper with the colors and the telling-them-apart and facial hair? I look forward, not, to stitching all that hair.Ah well. Mhm. Anyway..

good evening

It was thunder and lightning here about a half hour ago. I was standing outside on the sidewalk, watching it, but mom was all YOU WILL GET STRUCK BY LIGHTNIIING because she's afraid of lightning. I didn't but came inside anyway because it was very windy and I got some dust and stuff in my eyes.

Well about 8:40 I had got Mom convinced enough to go to Albertson's, not only because I had to return Dad's Redbox movie (The Soloist! which was good. We have this thing, in our family (well it's just me and Blake rly) where we refer to anything Robert Downey Jr acts in as 'it's Iron Man playing...' so and so, because he was so perfect as Iron Man that, really, everything is kinda an afterthought. Like. Sherlock Holmes, that RDJ is in, as Sherlock Holmes, we say it's Iron Man being Sherlock Holmes in Victorian times. Because that's pretty spot on if you've seen the Holmes preview.) but also because I wanted to get chicken wings and Blake was being very mind-reading cos he was like, let's go look at chicken wings and I was like GET OUT OF MY HEAD DEVIl-CHILD. As we were walking from the car to Albertson's, Blake whispers to me 'there's lightning' and I was all, 'oh fuck'. Mom's afraid of lightning, like uber afraid. So were all: Hey mom, look at that sign right there. Albertson's has cut prices! Yep, just keep looking at that sign until we get inside..but as we left the store, there was lightning totally unobvious and she freaked out but we got home safely.

I just saw a Miley Cyrus commercial where she shows off her new "fashion" line at Wal-Mart and it's awful stuff, for some reason it has the UK Flag on it? like thanks for butchering out culture, now go ruin the Brit's flag? Good lord. I felt like, literally, throwing up. And I reallyyy hate Wal-Mart. And I don't want it in our town. Cos they are evil.

I am loading episodes on Youtube of Queer As Folk the US version right now cos I watched one of the UK version and it was pretty damned good, but the UK version is on Hulu and Hulu is slow and has commercials.

Anyway alright. Alive After Five tomorrow. Been looking forward to it for weeks. It's weird how much I like this. This quote from Clerks basically sums me up: But you hate people! Yet I love social gatherings. It's ironic.

I have this continual fear that bugs are crawling all over me. I never sleep well with this paranoia. Am I spelling paranoi right? I don't give a damn.

feels like friday

Because I'm at my dad's because of we're not going next weekend since he's going to a concert in Montana. Dunno. So it feels like Friday. But it's Monday.
I'm listening to music on Grooveshark, there's this playlist 'Punk Rock'. A lot of the song titles are kickass but the music is sometimes bad. Srsly. The titles, man. 'You Look Like I Need A Drink' is an awesome title. Screaming Theatre in a Crowded Fire. There's a band what covered Rocket Man awesomely. And I've been listening to some Jarvis Cocker. He was on Fallon the other night and I had to stay up to watch him, despite the fact I could not remember if he was the guy from the band who sang Common People. Yes. and it was Pulp. Cos I forgot the name. Anyway. He's brilliant. Whatelse.
Gosh, nothing, I think. I'm not wearing my glasses so everything is Blurry As Hell. Even the computer screen and that's not too far away.

On Sunday I watched a lot of movies. At 1:00 in the morning, Clerks 2 came on Comedy Central, completely unedited, so it was awesome. Later, I watched Clerks online. And then I rented My Name is Bruce and some shitty Iron Man animated thing, the Invincible Iron Man. Also I had purchased the Boondock Saints at St. Vinny's. Amazing find. Holy shit, that movie was good. In so many ways. Arghh. I just want to keep watching it. 's weird. I like My Name is Bruce, simply for Bruce Campbell Being An Asshole All The Time in the movie. Ahaha. Love him. Kevin Smith, from Clerks movies, is a genius and now I need to go watch everything else he's ever done. FUCK and he writes Green Arrow comics. How badass is that?

I left my notebook at home. Which is too bad because I had like 3 lists of music I wanted to listen to and a few movie/tv lists.

MY EYE is TWITCHY and last night I thought there was a bug in my eyelid but I think it's just twitchy but HOW WEIRD would it be if there was ABUG in my eyelid. EW.
fuckfuckfuckinghell. Boondock Saints said 'fuck' like 256 times. I tell you, this is what I look for in a movie. going to go okay sims and then maybe update mah sims blog.

oh.

So here I am reading The Shoebox Project at 1:45 on a friday night and suddenly I think. Oh. I am 17-almost-18 years old. This is my senior fucking year of high school and then what. I don't know. I really don't. In less then three month's I'll be 18. It's a strangely sobering thought that makes me want to be anything but sober.
I need to buy some boots. I need a haircut. I need today's Teefury shirt. I need a plan and a new notebook and some consonants and I need to learn how to annunciate and I need some friends real friends and I need want need to talk to my brother Kody. It seems completely irrational that he is only about 1 and 1/2 years older then me and he's living in a completely different country, 10 hours in the future and had aged so much in the span of the year since he's left and oh gosh I miss him I miss him and I don't want to grow up and I never have but you can't stop it so why even try. Holy shit. I don't want to go to college. I just got out of 12 years of schooling. Isn't that enough? I want to learn and go on adventures. I've not told anybody this. But basically- my dream career is Indiana Jones-ing. If that makes any sense. God. I don't know. Shit, I don't want to do something like the same thing every day, monotony and boring and office work and supervisors and stuff. I want. Explosions and adventure and mystery and romance and Sherlock Holmes-ing and MacGyver-ing and Justice League-ing.
The Dr. Martens flash site is almost giving me a seizure. Fuck I need some BOOTS like some stomping around, here the fuck I am boots. My footwear needs to be asserting. I need combat boots.
I want to cut my own hair. Like now. But not now. Lamely I need to look presentable for work. As soon as I'm done with all that nonsense I am taking a pair of scissors to my hair with a rough idea of what I want and a daring fearlessness.

i hate people

I hate people. I hate the stupid kids at my highschool. Wow, you're so original because you have the exact same haircut and clothes as everyone else! I hate the teachers because they're fucktards. I hate it that my "best friend" isn't really my best friend, because all she does is fucking agree with me. On everything. It's like she doesn't have one fucking original thought in her head. I've started to purposely say I hate things she likes just to see what she'll do. Like, "That new Wolverine movie looks like shit." when, in actuality, I kind of want to see it. So she says, "yeah." And then I'll talk about what manga suck and what anime suck and she'll just agree. And I'll say something like.."did you know, etc, etc" and she'll be all, yeah I did know that. So now I'm starting to make things up just to see if she'll agree with me because this is getting ridiculous. Fuck.
I hate my little brother and his friend because they're retarded and loud. I hate the school because they called my mom and told I keep on missing classes. I hate it that I don't have any money. I hate it that all I want to do is sleep and cry and watch Doctor Who. I hate myself for wanting to do those things. I hate all my friends who aren't really my friends and for my family, for knowing I don't have any friends. I hate my mom because I'm just a huge fucking disapointment and I hate it that I'm not more like her and I hate it that she wants me to be more like her. I hate it that my father never talks to me anymore, that he's given up on us, that's basically starting a new life. I hate it that most of what I do most of the time is eating or watching TV. I hate that I can't even get to school on time because I'm a huge fucking failure at life. I hate that I've got no goals and no dreams and no idea what to do after high school. I hate it that I have nowhere to go when I'm feeling awful and nobody to talk to.

spokane spokane

Back from collegy trip. Went to Whitworth Uni, which was too pretty and churchy and had too many trees and would cost too much and didn't have a Zoology program, and Spokane Falls Community College, which was clearly a Community college and my mom went there and they had Zoology and a bowling alley and then we went to Gozaga, which was cool. Cool. Just cool. I dunno if they had zoology but they had a Bing Crosby room. BING! Loves me some Bing Crosby. Even if he beat his kids. Whatever. Or, well, that's the rumor. But it's widely disputed. And talked to an ambassador from University of Phoenix which was boring and also it's all online and no Zoology. And today I was at Eastern Washington Uni, which was boring and had too many stairs and I was just so tirrred. On Tuesday...or Monday...we went to Riverfront park to see an imax moviebut half an hour late so most of group went on Skyride Gondola ride and some of us, ME!, went on Carousel, that's 100 years old, v. cool, v. fun. Went shopping, quick, at Boo Radley's (best store name ever and cool store, too) and got Pride&Prejudice&Zombies and Obamamints-Yes We Candy. Hotel was fun. Shared room with Heather. Watched TV and argued over beds-made or unmade? I was for unmade beds. Shopping at Valley Mall, was disapointed because was promised Northtown-Northtown has Barnes&Nobles and Comic Book Shop. Valley, I though, had B&N and no Comic Book Shop but turns out, Waldenbooks and Comic Book Shop. Was happy. Spent money. Got a nice yoyo at a hobby store. Huckleberry coffee. Green and orange M&Ms for Blake since couldn't find any Dolphins merchandise. Got four graphic novels- Fables v. 2, Y: The last Man v.2, Serenity 1 and 2. Should have got someting Gaiman.
Dad's getting up, maybe dinner time here's hoping.