none of your prima donna scenes, paul

So tonight because I was bored and can never find Backbeat online, I watched Birth of the Beatles. And uh. AHAHAHAHAHA. In so many ways it was awful and cheesy but so ridiculous and bad it was funny. Like. My favorite part is when they're doing their first recording session, and there's this bright red light on in the room, and Paul says, "Brian can we have the light off?" and Brian Epstein like snaps at him, "NONE OF YOUR PRIMA DONNA SCENES, PAUL." Haha. Also, some bits of the movie might as well been written by Pete Best-- when Brian has to fire him (the movie makes it out to be that the others wanted him out so they got Eppy to do it, but in real life the thing was George Martin didn't like Pete's drumming) and Pete's all, HOW COULD THEY DO THIS I AM THE BEST DRUMMER IN ENGLAND- I KNOW IT AND THEY KNOW IT AND EVEN RINGO KNOWS IT. Full of lols! UGH and all the Stu Sutcliffe stuff- so over-dramatized and cheesy. Another one of my favorite parts- the Beatles are about to go on stage but Stu's just dropped dead and so Astrid (Stu's gf) comes to them and says, "Stu's dead" and this DRAMATIC MUSIC OF SADNESS swells up. And then John goes on the stage and does this whole weepy thing, "mah bestest friieend is deeaayd" and uh, it was just, yeah. Bad. And omg, just 'cos Eppy was gay doesn't mean he was all flaming and feminine and 'oh would you boys like some tea?' and flirting outrageously and all that. The acting I guess wasn't too terrible, considering the task- their voices were off but the guy who did Paul, he had the right sort of girly eyes and their George was rather moody so that was alright. Guy who did Ringo was bad but he wasn't in the movie a lot. Oh I read on imdb that NONE OF THE BEATLES wanted this movie coming out, they tried to stop it and all. No joke, haha, it was made 1979, so even John was alive to say, FUCK AND NO but that didn't stop it.
But I still reallyy want to see Backbeat which is more about John & Stu. sounds like fun. and OMG Nowhere Boy which comes out in the UK next month- looks awesome. with no Beatles music in it, whatsoever- couldn't get the rights, but at the end I guess they got John's song Mother. The movie's about John as a kid. The Quarrymen and all that stuff.

The other day in English, the journal entry questions were like, 'do you think about death & dying? what occasions thinking about death & dying? what happens when you die?' Of course, this being me in English class where I am bored all the time and know the teacher doesn't even read this anyway (once I just ranted about being married to Batman for an answer to one, dunno why) I gave joke-y non serious answers or just literal ones like: "Yes. When I watch House or CSI. Your heart stops and bloodflow ceases, oxygen to the brain stops and effectively your body shuts down and from then on, begins to decay." knowing of course he prolly wanted an answer like 'u g 2 heven' or whatevs. So the teacher then poses these questions to the class- "Who thinks about death and dying?" and most of the boys and me raise our hands, and so he starts to ask why we think about our death all the time, so I say, "Well, not nessacrily our death, you know, just in general I thought you meant?" Because here is the thing: everyone is going to die. Andandand that means Paul McCartney is going to die during my lifetime and I don't think I am going to be able to handle that. At all. Nor Ringo Starr's death. I don't remember George dying (I was 11, I think, or 10) and I wasn't alive for John's. It terrifies me that any day, one of the Beatles could die. It's stupid to think about. But I still check the news all the time and wake up each morning a little bit scared. Ever since that week in June when like 5 famous people died, whenever we talk about the news, one of us goes, "aw who died now?" Sometimes Blake says jokingly, "alyssa, paul mccartney is dead" and I just look at him and go, "not funny. at all." It is probably not normal to worry about some celebrity's death like this but the Beatles are more then celebrities they're, like, fucking legends. Anyway the point of this was I did not feel like telling anyone I am continually terrified Paul McCartney (and Ringo, too, but I'm always more worried about Paul dying (which is weird because Ringo is older) (but if you talk to some people paul's already dead isn't he?)) up and dying one day. Fuck. I'm going crazy and I hope Paul doesn't die now that I've expressed such fears. I was almost in tears earlier reading about Linda McCartney, she's dead, and then George's death. ;( I can't read a Lennon biography without crying at the end. SPOILER ALERT. He dies. No, he gets killed. Arghahfgfgfarr I get filled with rage and sadness with that whole thing. Oh what annoys me: those "still pissed at yoko" shirts or whatever. HERE'S ONE FOR YOU: "still fucking pissed at mark david chapman" but then that's all MDC wanted, fucking fame, the ican'teventhinkofawordstrongenoughtodescribethatmonster.

hmm i sorta want to go to bed but Blake & dad & sandy are in the living room watching GI JOE RISE OF THE COBRA (snicker snicker rise of the cobra) and it's very loud and lucky for me I happen to have the room directly next to the living room with thin walls. (sarcasm). So I would not get be getting any sleep done. Anyway Dad and Sandy are pretty drunk I am guessing 'cos they're not really getting the movie at all. 'are those aliiennns?' 'no sandy that's COBRA' and 'snakeyes huh what's his deal?' me, from the kitchen (computer as always): 'he's a NINJA, sandy' 'ohh does he always wear that shield thing..' and blake, 'uh yeah he's a ninja' 'does he TALK' 'uhh..'
and now dad and sandy are going to his room ew ew.
maybe blake will turn the volume down so I can goes to sleep.
/is tired for no reason. have done nothing ALL DAY. well i went outside to smoke a cigarillo for no reason 'cept for being bored and then I watched part of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and watched that Beatley thing but beyond that, yeahh no. Oh I printed TONS of ukulele tabs/chords off dad's computer, haha.

he seems to be playing a weekend-long game of 'pretend aj does not exist and ignore her completely' for the most part. I admit he's very good at it. and usually I don't mind. but god. being ignored, if you've been, it really really hurts. and taking that one step further, pretending I'm not there is like being stabbed in the heart. I should be used to it by now. Jesus. I've been on the fucking computer all day. No joke. How sad is that? Fuck. Well, I got off that once to smoke- might try that again- and another to to play the uke for a bit. and to eat dinner and to watch SNL for a few minutes and eat ice cream. It's weird but I can't play the uke and sing here. Well I can, i mean it doesn't feel right, I feel like I have to hide. At mom's I'm like, in the kitchen going SOOMMETHIIING IN THE WAAY and blasting out the chords...no shyness or anything but there I'm alone in my room and strumming lightly and mumbling the words even though I know no one can hear me or honestly really even gives a damn about me if I am singing/playing. I'm tryin' to get the shuffle pattern down for All My Loving. down-downupupdownupdown-downupupdownup. the pattern itself is easy- now play the chords and sing along, yeah? and there's the problem. Oh well I'll get it.
I got out my dad's guitar today and good lord it is huge and unwieldy and the fucking strings are like knives and there are so many frets! and then I was holding my uke and was like, this is perfect. feels nice. better then GIANT GUITAR MONSTAH.
I keep wanting to knit something but not getting around to it. Faiil.

I am way to ridiculously obsessed with the Beatles in many ways. It's not too bad though, I guess.
/is a geek.
Is sort of bad though because well everyone likes the Beatles so when you say you like the Beatles people are like, oh right the Beatles and think you're just saying that, right, but as I've discussed before, there are different types of Beatles fan. I'm definetely in the 2nd one (knows random facts and all the songs and that) and making my way towards the third category (which is like, Beatles tattoos and pilgrames to Strawberry fields and general life-revolving-around Beatles)
and now I'm listening to the Rolling Stones. They're good. hard to believe they're from the same time period as the Beatles, the stones seem more rock and roll then the Beatles. The Who, too. huh. What's all that about then.