the science of scooby doo

There is no fucking science of Scooby Doo. I am past the wonderful age where everything made sense on that show.
I was babysitting tonight, just for about 2 hours (I earned 9 dollars...wtf, right? but whatevs.) and I made popcorn and hot cocoa and watched old Scooby Doo cartoons with the girls I babysit. They weren't mean to me tonight and I didn't act weird. These are often both problems. Turns out I am not too good with children. At all. Despite my mom is a preschool teacher and my grandmother was a, I think, kindergarten teacher, I guess it skipped my generation. Actually I'm very socially impaired, anyway. We were at McDonald's with dad and we said something about how we used to be kids playing in the kid's section and dad was all, I am so happy those days are over. And we chatted about that for a bit and Dad mentioned something about, 'blake was always eating, kody was playing, and alyssa was always watching people.' What? Watching people? That's what my father says. That I used to just stare at people. I still do that. In fact, until about a year or two ago, I was not even aware of this. Now I've realized watching people creeps them out so I'm perfecting my watching-but-not-watching look. It's hard to try to socially acceptable.
Anyway. Scooby Doo. The first episode I watched I was very oh it's just a cartoon, blah...then I started questioning things. Which gets you nowhere. 'Why are they friends anyway?' 'Daphne looks like such a slut.' 'Why are the two preppy kids, the smart kid, the stoner and his dog all friends? And travelling around the country in one van together solving mysteries?' 'Dear God, Shaggy is high as a kite.' 'Wait, why can Scooby talk again?' 'Hahah, Velma isn't totally and completely blind? I mean...can't she SOME THINGS without her glasses?' 'Also why does she run like that with her arms all perpendicular to her body?' 'Fred's ascot is gay.' 'Is Daphne the clumsy one?' 'Wait, why doesn't the evil guy JUST FUCKING KILL THEM instead of running around the place in a dumb costume and, oh fuck, IT IS A DOG AND SOME TEENAGERS COME ON.'
Listen all I'm saying is I don't know when it happened but now I don't understand cartoons.
One time when I was a kid my parents were watching the Drew Carey show and I thought this was boring so I went downstairs where my older brother and the neighbor boy were watching TV and I hoped it would be cartoons but it was the Drew Carey show and this disapointed me. I told myself I'd never be the kind of person to not watch cartoons. Now, I am. I love the Drew Carey show. Although if Spongebob's on, I'm totally watching it. I also promised myself I'd never be the kind of person that reads books where the author's name was bigger then the book title because this always confused me- why are there twelve books called James Patterson and what are these Stephen King books about? But now I read Micheal Crichton books and awww now I'm sad about Micheal Crichton again...